If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
