I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My pussy is not your playground.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
