Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
