You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize