My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
