Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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