It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
