She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
