Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
