i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize