Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
