You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
