youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
