Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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