we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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