How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
