Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
