I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
