Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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