I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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