I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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