ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
