Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
