I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
