I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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