I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
