how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
