Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
