remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
