I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
