I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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