There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
