my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
