Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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