Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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