oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
