Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
