my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
