there was a trapeze. enough said
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
