i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
