Sry I called you an 8
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
