So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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