get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
