I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
