I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
