he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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