So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
