Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Still dying that you shit outside
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
