Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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