New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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