As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize