NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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