We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
