and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
