Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
