ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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