yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
