We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize