1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
