im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
