I want to make a zoo with you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
