I would go down on you faster than GM stock
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
