Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
