I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
