who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Still dying that you shit outside
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
