She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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