oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize