Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
