id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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