I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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