you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
