either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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