i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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