walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize