you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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