May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
