i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
