I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
